cartoon activist

First and foremost I saw Superman Returns this past weekend. And let me just say despite how long it took to actually get the movie started it was truly quite awesome. The visual effects were so cool and I think the thing I liked most about this movie was how much you could see the director took from the comic books. What I mean is, there was a lot of shots from a great distance, which give you a better idea of the scale on which Superman is working. If you think about the old movie, because of the nature of special effects there was less emphasis on seeing Superman at work from a great distance. All the long-shots really gave you a sense of how strong and powerful Superman really is.



That is probably one of the reasons Brandon Routh has so quickly leaped into the upper stratosphere of hotness in my “Ow! Ow! Foxyyyy” Scale. That’s actually the name of the scale. Seriously though, he was good. The only thing I didn’t enjoy was the lack of Clark Kent in the movie. The movie was all about Superman, which is good and all, but they don’t really establish Clark Kent as much, which I found problematic in terms of the love storyline. Not to mention he’s totally hot as Clark Kent. Kate Bosworth on the other hand was a gaping hole of suck. She was not sassy enough, nor meaty enough, to be Lois.
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On to other important subjects, if Alanna doesn’t go home tonight than CNTM is dead to me. She’s cute and all but she hasn’t taken one decent photo her entire time there.
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Last, but not least, Big Brother All Star starts tomorrow. For those of you who don’t know cast members from seasons past will be put into a house together. Basically the most attention-starved I-will-do-anything-to-be-on-TV will be competing, which is what you want in that show. Thanks to a spoiler site I now know who is on, and some of my favorites are there, so I’m very pumped. For those with cable and a desire to waste precious brain cells, you really should tune in for a hot mess of classless behavior.
Take a shot every time someone cries, lies or has to have something blurred out.

No question, my favourite superhero growing up was Superman.
I had a brief Batman phase, but our love was not as long-lasting.
And sure I had Spiderman action figures, but I was never really all that down with the web-crawler, the cartoon was lame and his mask kind of scared the bejesus out of me.
Over the years my pallet was refined on the complex tastes and textures of X Men and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I’ve always had a special place in my heart for the Man of Steel.
I loved the Dean Cain show, but despite his good looks Smallville-guy never really captivated me. Frankly I thought it was a lame-ass attempt to make Superman more like Buffy, and he did not have the highlights nor the mini-skirt to pull it off. Not to mention that he couldn’t act his way out of paper bag.



So it was with some trepidation that I took in the news of a new Superman movie. Brandon Routh certainly looks like Clark Kent, but over all he kind of seems boring and under qualified. And underfed Kate Bosworth seems like a poor quality Lois Lane. I actually thing Anne Hathaway might do a better job, she seems more sassy and judging by her appearance she eats more complex carbs, giving her the vital characteristics of ability to move around and stamina to breath sans-respirator.
Last night’s Discovery Channel documentary [read: hour-long commercial for Superman Returns] explored the science of Superman and it did get me jazzed about the movie. I do want to see it, even if it does end up stinking.
However, the documentary did alert me to a couple of Superman’s powers that I had forgotten and find to be quite lame:

- Super breath? What the fuck?
- When he turns back time in the first movie by rotating the Earth? I was a kid so I probably didn’t realize how mind-boggling stupid that is.
- Given that his speed and strength is a product of Earth’s lesser gravity it seems sort of ridiculous that he can fly. And apparently in the original comic books he couldn’t fly. I think they should have scaled down his powers a little more.
- Nor could he travel through space and be able to breath in the original comic. Like come on, he doesn’t even need to breath? What the fuck was Krypton like anyway?
- His suit never gets damaged. The comic explained this away by saying it was made of fabric that was found in hid pod from Krypton but even still. If the people of Krypton didn’t need to breath and could create indestructible fabric how exactly did a little thing like an exploding planet do them in?
- Mostly the super breath thing pisses me off. Its totally one of those powers he didn’t have until suddenly the comic writer needed a quick fix to a problem so they were just like “oh… well, we’ll give him super breath to overcome this Cloud Demon!” And if you’re going to give him super breath then at least give him super gas too. It’s only right.


EDIT: ...and did anyone else ever wonder if sex with Superman would be super painful for Lois? I mean Man of Steel, fleshy parts, I dunno, doesn't sound like a good mix to me. Maybe I'm sick.